tor

Worst Pun In History

21 posts in this topic

So the doctor has a bit of a touch up of the back passage and announces "You have an anal fissure".

You say "man that would be the worst kind of fishing in the world, I'd throw them all back".

I didn't actually say that to the poor bastard, he didn't look like he would appreciate the wordplay at the time (although he looked jealous as all f*ck of my superb undies: stripy Marquess of Queensberry boxing style).

I also didn't mention "Bob The Angry Anal Fissure" "We will tear you a new asshole.".

On the bright side I expected to be told I was riddled with cancer and had but a few weeks for this world.

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I can't believe I forgot to add a few of the other puns.

The ointment I got given is Rectinol, which works well for "Well your arse is wrecked and all".

And of course my all time favourite, I spend a few minutes looking at it every time we go shopping and trying to think of new jokes, Anusol. I mean really! Anus 'ol. Bloody hell. I want to get a job at their marketing department except I cannot think of anything better than that.

I tells ya it has been a fun old day at the homestead today, some of the other jokes are a tad off colour I suppose.

But anything with bums and puns is funny right?

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Good grief! :wacko:

OK, you win - those were the worst puns I've heard!

Edited by AndersB

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Thanks to Wikipedia;LINK

The pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play which suggests two or more meanings, by exploiting multiple meanings of words, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous or rhetorical effect.[1][2] These ambiguities can arise from the intentional use and abuse of homophonic, homographic, metonymic, or metaphorical language. A pun differs from a malapropism in that, in a malapropism one uses an incorrect expression that alludes to another (usually correct) expression, but in a pun one uses a correct expression that alludes to another (sometimes correct but more often absurdly humorous) expression. Henri Bergson defined a pun as a sentence or utterance in which "two different sets of ideas are expressed, and we are confronted with only one series of words".[3] Puns may be regarded as in-jokes or idiomatic constructions, given that their usage and meaning are entirely local to a particular language and its culture.

Puns are used to create humor and sometimes require a large vocabulary to understand. Puns have long been used by comedy writers, such as William Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, and George Carlin.

Tor, I'm slow I know, but I didn't really get your first post.

I have however, also thought about Rectinol and Anusol creams. When you need them you don't really care about the names.

But I looked up the definition of a pun.

and I have to sayt, that's the worst definition, I have ever had to try to unravel.

Anyone know what many of those words mean in the definition.

Anders,

I liked the long stabby thing.

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Tor, I'm slow I know, but I didn't really get your first post.

I have however, also thought about Rectinol and Anusol creams. When you need them you don't really care about the names.

But I looked up the definition of a pun.

and I have to sayt, that's the worst definition, I have ever had to try to unravel.

Anyone know what many of those words mean in the definition.

Anders,

I liked the long stabby thing.

Puns are (in the way I make them anyway) are usually just words that sound like other words (homophone). So "Anal Fissure" sounds like "Anal Fisher". I believe they are regarded as one of the worst forms of humour to begin with so mixing it with toilet humour is taking it to a spectacular level in my opinion.

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Anyone know what many of those words mean in the definition.

A pun is a cheap joke when punhandling for laughs?

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Eh, I think I've given tor a run for his money about the worst pun thing...

BTW, Tim Vine is one of the few comedians that specialises on puns:

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Long stabby thing?

:shocking:

I liked the thirty thousand pigs accidental pun.

http://www.abc.net.au/mediawatch/transcripts/s3132383.htm

Oh that was excellent Max.

30 sows and pigs. (30,000 pigs)

That's a lot of bacon floating in the river.

That's what I call pork barrelling.

That is so funny.

Nearly as good as tor's. (Anal fissure)(A person who fishes for anal's) :lol:

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"You have an anal fissure".

Is he a distance cousin to that Star Wars actor -- Carrie?

carrie-fisher-picture.jpg

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Another good zinger.

Woke up in the night and had to deal with some bathroom business which was not particularly fun. After the job was done returned to bed and a few minutes later a quiet voice was heard singing.

"I heard you crying in the chapel"

Unfortunately laughing hurts in that situation.

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So... a (w)hole new take on 'pain in the arse'...

It's the humour that gets me through.

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RectogesicTM would work better ;-)

I wanted to get the one I read about called "AnoHeal". Best product names ever!

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I wanted to get the one I read about called "AnoHeal". Best product names ever!

That's it! You are a clinical paronomasiac!

You need to seek help, tor!

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This was worth resurrecting the thread for.

The standard treatment to date, low-frequency electric stimulation, is painful for patients and is shown in the present study to yield no demonstrable therapeutic benefit.

I am surprised that treatment is not more effective... That is the kind of thing that is effective just because after one session you would be saying; I'm all fixed doc, no need for round 2.

Who comes up with these ideas?

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I am surprised that treatment is not more effective... That is the kind of thing that is effective just because after one session you would be saying; I'm all fixed doc, no need for round 2.

Who comes up with these ideas?

I'm in trouble for yelling "arse blatt!" over and over and giggling.

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